A Rant on the Child Support Fiasco...

Ok, so I posted this : signing off...child support court tomorrow...betcha $10 that he doesn't show! And $50 that if he does show he gets sent straight to the basement of the courthouse (the jail). ...in other words, if you take the bet and he does show I pay yo...u $10, but you owe me $50 when he gets sent to the basement! on FaceBook, as Brian was looking over my shoulder. He asked me that if something were to happen between us and we went our separate ways if I would post such things about him....

Well...my answer was : If you become the type of dumbass that XH is then, most definitely.

This would include Brian having to become a drug shooting, snorting, taking, smoking loser, who is constantly drunk. Not only that but he'd have to be an all around abusive jerk who likes to mess with young children. THEN NOT show up for any of the court hearings of the divorce, child support, not show up for any of the visitations, send an average of one letter a year promising to be a great father when he gets out of prison, again. Following that up with dodging child support payments & court time and time again. Getting caught, telling the judge that he now has a job, make up some half-ass employment information of an old employer, that's 900 miles down the road, does not update his sex offender registry address, threatens his 90+ year old grandmother, all while his mother calls me to tell me that he's just "confused, upset, & angry" that he doesn't get to have a relationship with his child.

If Brian was to stoop to this level of utter loserhood...someone please have me locked up somewhere nice and tight...because obviously, getting two such losers in a row means I have some pretty crappy ideas about what qualifies as a good husband & father to my children and really shouldn't be allowed out on the streets.





But yea...tomorrow is another child support hearing, where the judge will readjust his payments - based on the employer he last gave the child support case worker he should be banking on an average of $1500 a WEEK, seeing as that's what he was bringing home when he last worked for this guy. Also, working for this particular employer he'd have to be doing one of two things - either door to door sales OR working with a crew of kids, ages 12-15 - either way he's in violation of sex offender rules & regulations. AND seeing as XH is a member of the Muscogee Creek Native American tribe that means that Mikeal qualifies to also receive tribal benefits - free health care, $700 each school year for supplies & clothes, plus the possibility of scholarships to any state school of his choice, upon high school graduation...or even later in life. There's a great deal more than just that in benefits for tribal members, but I digress....

Stupid loser though isn't going to show for court, so the judge will order as she sees fit...and she likes me...she also likes Mikeal & Brian & thinks Mikaila is just the most darling little girl. So...yea...He'll be stuck with even higher child support payments, I'll be able to go around without him (I'm hoping) to get Mikeal enrolled with the tribe, then not only will county be after him for not appearing for court and not only will the state be after him for not paying child support (which has turned into a felony warrant) BUT the Creek Nation will also go after him. The loser is just that, a loser.

....

***After the court hearing***

....

He lives roughly 2 hours from here, by all assumptions, in the city. Now, he is a registered (supposed to be) sex offender, only problem with that is he's not updated his address with the state on that matter.

He was picked up back in June on a failure to pay child support warrant, Judge let him out a few days later because he claimed to of been working. Gave the name of a company he worked for back when he was first charged as a sex offender - the door to door sales - gave an address of 1500 Kings Rd, no city, no state....actual address is 1501 KingSchool Rd, Ironton, MO...which for this company is no big deal really that the address is outside of St Louis when XH lives in Tulsa, OK, the guy that runs the door to door sales is based there in Ironton. When I found out that information that he'd given to the case worker I gave the correct mailing address & phone number, yes it's been 6 years or so since XH worked for this guy, but I was the one that handled all the paperwork, and when one write a address and phone number roughly 100 times a week you tend to remember it. That was back in July...child support case worker has YET to get confirmation one way or the other if XH works for him or not.

He also, upon being released in June, gave the case worker his new address, which I'm going to assume to be his mother's address, but I haven't gotten her address from her yet, so I can't say for sure, but she did say that her son was living with her for a while, until she caught him shooting up in her bathroom, supposedly she kicked him out, then kicked him out again a few weeks later when he came in drunk and tweeked out, knocked a hole in her wall, and she claims she made his head follow his fist - I can, in some stretch of my imagination believe that, she's perfectly capable of doing so. So he's, according to her, not living there.

Court was postponed today because they have not been able to serve him with the papers to show for court...it was rescheduled for December 16th, I was not informed of this prior to sitting in the courtroom for 3 hours, but whatever, I did get to have a say before the judge...not that she hasn't heard this same story from me already about 4 times this year, but still, she did ask me if I knew how to get a hold of him.

It is now up to me to file a claim with the state of Missouri, in the county that he was charged in originally to let them know that XH is not living at his registered place of residence, they are then supposed to do whatever it is they do to such persons - namely issue a warrant for his arrest - bringing him up to at least 1 felony warrant for non-payment of child support, 1 felony warrant for not registering properly as a sex offender, plus other multiple misdemeanor warrants for traffic tickets, hot checks, and failures to appear before the courts. I then have to rely on the understaffed - as in multiple huge layoffs of police officers across the board in this state - to randomly come across him, have room to take him into their county or city jail, he then be transferred to this county, see this judge, have her listen to him boo hoo about how unfair life is, then she'll have to turn around and release him to the state of Missouri, where they'll give him a slap on the wrist, tell him to be sure to register, then release him either back to this county or on the streets again. I've also got to stay on top of all of this so that when/if he does get picked up I can be at the court house first thing of that morning that he sees the judge and plead with her not to allow him to be released until at least half of the past child support balance is paid, here if they're sitting in jail they're given a $5 a day credit to pay towards any fines, $.50 a day credit towards child support, at least that's the way it used to be, he owes close to $12,000.

Right now, since my XMIL started calling and begging for a relationship with Mikeal I'm playing VERY nice... . My plan is to play this along well enough to bait her into thinking I'd be cool with XH bringing her out to come have an unsupervised visit with Mikeal... They have no clue what Brian looks like, where I live...yes she has my physical address, but to mapquest it points you out west of town instead of east of town, unless it's entered just so when doing the look up, even then, its rare that it comes up correctly. Which will then prompt me to have to meet them somewhere...in which case I will be sure to make arrangements to have someone pick XH up and haul his lame ass to the basement of the courthouse!

Yes, this is the state of the affairs of the local government, they're so badly under funded & under manned that persons like myself are forced to take some of these matters into our own hands.

I'm not too terribly concerned about the child support itself, after 6 years of not getting a dime, during which a few of those years I would of been overjoyed to just get a pack of diapers or a $20 each month, I'd have better overall peace of mind knowing that he was sitting behind a lock and key then out roaming the streets. There are times that I get to the point of being so overstressed over him being out of prison that I have borrowed shotguns from friends & family just to have it on hand in case he was to happen to show up at my door. Oklahoma has a "Make My Day" law that in short form states if someone was to come into your house, threatening you/your family you are able to "shoot them dead" without negative consequence from the law, but you do have to prove that they indeed broke in, forced their way into your house, caused you or your family physical harm, and they MUST be dead, full body inside the house. If you just wound them then you can be held for assault, if you invite them in or over then you can be held for manslaughter, but if there's a door kicked in, window broken, & the body is completely inside the house, dead then no real big deal. Yes, I have very THOROUGHLY researched this law and have on numerous occasions talked to the deputies about it, because I am THAT terrified of this man and his family. However at this time I do not own a firearm of my own, nor have I taken a gun safety course to allow me to have one in the house, but still. I learned how to shoot and fire one around the time my XH got out of prison the first time, right before I filed for the divorce.

So long story short, he and his family are career felons, they know enough people that will keep their mouths shut on such matters & not turn him in or admit to knowing where he's at. But I just also recalled that my brother lives in that part of the state...his wife works at one of the local strip clubs, and my brother, unfortunately would know persons who likely know my XH, its only a matter of time before my brother runs into him, or hears of him, and could take care of the legal matters there without me having to convince them to come out here.... **evil smirk**

A Bit of His History

He'd pulled at my heart strings, giving me an overwhelming amount of details of his childhood. He was very much so an abused, neglected, and brought up just the most despicable of ways, and how he's survived to adulthood is a miracle in itself...But he did, and instead of maturing and getting past his past he took it out on me.

Now, I can only state here what I'd been told my by ex, his family members, and what I've been able to find out through different police reports & newspaper stories. If you want to read about some of my history it can be found here.

He was concieved as a one night stand between his mother and bio-father. His bio-father is a drug addicted, drummer for a band in Tulsa, OK...has roughly 15 kids, that he's aware of, only 3 with his first wife, I think he's on his 3rd wife now...but I don't know of any of his kids that haven't been in and out of prison for one thing or another, even the kids he didn't meet until they were grown have bounced in and out. My ex's mother was married once - the guy got drunk and ran himself off a bridge right after her second child was born, so she had 2 babies under 2, as a widow, met my ex's 'father', had my ex, and continued in her debauched lifestyle.

So, his dad (Tommy) enjoyed chasing women and playing at the bars often, enjoyed doing different drugs, meth and crank being two I heard about most often, and drinking, having babies and not doing anything more for them. Now, my ex did know his dad, and spent quite a bit of time between him and his mother, so he was a 'part' of his life.

His mother (Drucilla) was absolutely no better. I'd hear stories of after she'd hooked up with Tommy decided she didn't want to be with white men any more. Ok, no problem for me, black men are just as human as white men, or any other nationality for that matter. My ex had a HUGE problem with it! I guess these men would get drunk and beat him, beat his mother, beat his brothers, and he just absolutely couldn't stand black men because of that...hmm I guess its different for him, a white man, to do these things, it makes it better, somehow. He'd tell me stories of how his mom would walk into a grocery store, clothing store, you name it, and walk out with numerous articles of clothing, two hundred pounds of meat, you name it, and not pay a dime for it. She kept getting caught and for the longest time every grocery store in Tulsa had her picture in it, for them to be on the look-out for her. She did eventually get charged and served 4 years, supposedly if she gets caught again she goes back for life...she hasn't stopped, even tried to teach my son how to shoplift, but its been 10 years or so since she got out and hasn't been caught yet. She'd then turn around and sell the clothing, meat, whatever for cash to buy booze with and drugs.

I'd never grown up around drugs, I knew of a few classmates who smoked pot, suspected a few teachers of doing the same, just by the rumors, but I'd never so much as even laid a hand or eye on any of it outside of the seminars they'd have at school to show us what this stuff all looked like...

I learned quite a bit.

Crack is not wack... wack is a combination of embalming fluid and jet fuel that folks would dip their cigarette butts in and then smoke - Supposedly one of Drucilla's drugs of choice. Of course my ex started smoking at around 5 years old, and even from a toddler age was eating the ashes out of the ash trays, when they actually used ash trays, for the majority of them they just threw their ashes off into the floors...on purpose, and if you asked for an ask tray they thought you were some sort of nuts and not respecting their 'customs'. I can't tell you how many times I'd thrown them out of my house for ashing into my carpets! Oh, and my ex was actually allowed to eat the cigarette ashes because according to some doctor it meant that he had an iron deficiency and was getting his iron from the ashes.

Crack, cocaine, ice, crank, powder, meth, etc are all different but if you ask me they're all white powder looking and are not things that you should allow 8 year olds to try and then get addicted to. But what are you to expect, these are the folks that allow 5 year olds to start smoking, and 2 year olds to eat ashes out of ash trays. Out of those I've tried meth, didn't see the big deal of it, never did it again.

By the time my ex was 9 he was drinking hard liquors....under 'supervision'.

These are all things this family seemingly is PROUD of. They'd get onto me for pulling things like beer cans, ashtrays, and the like out of the reaches of my son.

When my ex was around 10 years old his mother had had enough of him...or her boyfriend at the moment had, either way, he was shipped off to a Christian Boy's Ranch. They detoxed him, taught him values, used effective punishments, the works. A year or so later they'd deemed he was able to go back home, he went back home.

By this time his oldest brother, Glenn, was around 16 years old, had decided he was gay, was addicted to crank, and moved out of their mother's house and into a house with his 30 year old boyfriend. --All things that that family was okay with.

A year or so later my ex's other brother, Britt, at the age of 15, was cranked out & drunk, stole a car with 4 of his other underage buddies, as none of them had a license to drive in the first place, and when pulled over by a single cop, Britt pulled a gun out on the cop. Natural cop reaction - shoot before being shot. Britt died there at the scene. The family made a HUGE deal out of the whole thing, about how he was only 15, didn't deserve to be shot, the works. They sued the city, the cop was forced into early retirement, and the family actually won the lawsuit. This is an all too reoccurring story that if you're around any of them you have to put up with listening to, all the time. Of course they omit the details of how he was cranked out, drunk, and had pulled a gun out on the cop, the popular abridged story is he was riding with a bunch of friends, he got out of the car when they got pulled over, and the cop just decided to shoot him.

My ex was 13 around this time.

I felt bad for him, was under the blind assumption that if I just showed him that none of his past mattered, what mattered was he moved on from it and didn't hold onto it that he wouldn't be so bitter and depressed about it all. I was 19, of course I thought I could fix all the problems of the world.

According to the stories, when my ex was around 14 years old he'd been over at his dad's and they'd ran out of food, including dog food...yes, they even would eat the dog food when they were high...and he was messed up on the crank. So he went to the police station looking for food. The Lieutenant at the time, Charlie, was also a foster dad for troubled teenage boys. Everyone, my ex, his mother, and father, were willing for Charlie to take in my ex, so he did. Charlie is accredited with my ex actually graduating from high school - the FIRST one of that entire family to do so, of course he was almost 20 when he graduated, but he did graduate.

Ok, I mentioned how my ex has some 15 half-siblings. His mom has 12 siblings. His dad has 4 siblings, but they're actually all decent folks, his dad and siblings on that side are the "black sheep" of that family. Now his mother's side of the family...there is only maybe 6, counting cousins, aunts & uncles that I know of who have actually gone through school and have not been in prison....of those, only one, who's name is also Stephanie, but she's also married into that family, who has always been clean. She was able to get her husband cleaned up and settled down...it took them two divorces and three weddings, but she did it....I suppose. I haven't been around for the last 6+ years, so I couldn't tell you what the story is nowadays.

This all tugged at my young, naive heart strings. But I never saw the drug use, he'd sober up for a few weeks at a time, he had a job, a damn good job, would pay his bills, was very clean, so was under the influence of his public mask that he wore. Again, the HELL broke out while we were in Indiana - 600+ miles from anyone and everyone either of us knew....

Contemplating

where to start exactly. This is proving to be a bit more difficult than I started off thinking it would be, so I'm going to start with the easy stuff.

I met my ex husband just a few weeks past my 19th birthday, around Memorial Day of 2001, I was young, naive, and basically just drunk and depressed, he filled a void and a need I had at that time, and I was blind enough to actually believe I loved him.

I lived in a drunken stupor for the next 6 months, more faithful and willing than even a well trained dog to his every beck and call. I had no one I was willing to listen to, those I was willing to listen to didn't say anything, nothing negative, nothing positive, just let me go as I will.

In November he was given a new job assignment, to start right after the first of the year, in Indiana...600+ miles away from where we were living at, in Northwest Arkansas. He asked me to go with him, asked me to marry him, the works...of course changed his mind on several occasions, stating how I wasn't good enough, I was too young, stupid, you name it. He is almost 9 years older than me. But again, I was a good girl, a faithful dog as it were, going away when he told me to, coming back when he'd ask me to.

Mid-December we told my family that we were getting married, we went to the courthouse, filed the paperwork...or so I thought...and were then "happily married". At least that's what everyone thought, everyone except my then husband, he knew the real bits, gone thru the motions, but tucked the paperwork away into the trash for all I knew.

The day after Christmas we packed up a U-Haul trailer, his truck, and his van. We left my car, and 90% of all my belongings at my grandma's. Somehow he'd been able to obtain the title to my car and actually had taken a loan out on my cleared title vehicle. That loan defaulted in no time and I was too far away and under his complete control, unable to do anything in the least bit about any of it. I also found out I was pregnant with Mikeal, just before we'd started packing the trailer. I sobered up and cleaned up immediately.

We were then on our way to Indianapolis. True Hell was to be found there.

An introduction.

I am, on this date, a pleasantly married, mother of two living children, 27-year old woman.

This blog will not cover this period in my life. I have one for that already : here. This blog is to cover my life prior to my current married life. A life that often left me bruised, shattered, hiding in a corner, and completely alienated from everyone.

This is the dark and dirty side of my past, a past that I am not proud of, but one that I was able to live through to tell the tale of, barely on some occasions. A past that still haunts me to this day, and leaves me shaking in fear from flashbacks and memories I wish to not remember. My best therapy has come in my writing, I get it out, and once its out I don't have to visit it again. This is my therapy blog.

I cannot promise that anything I write here will be in chronological order, but I will give as detailed as I can dates and time frames. This will not be a pleasant ride, yes, there will be moments that I shine in triumph and victory and other moments that are at the very pinnacle of my gutter of existence. I only ask that you not judge me for the mistakes of my past, rather respect the fact that these things of my past have brought me to where I am, with the hope that as I embark on the future my story and my insight will help others not end up on this path.

I am happy with my life at present, again, this is about my past.