Contemplating

where to start exactly. This is proving to be a bit more difficult than I started off thinking it would be, so I'm going to start with the easy stuff.

I met my ex husband just a few weeks past my 19th birthday, around Memorial Day of 2001, I was young, naive, and basically just drunk and depressed, he filled a void and a need I had at that time, and I was blind enough to actually believe I loved him.

I lived in a drunken stupor for the next 6 months, more faithful and willing than even a well trained dog to his every beck and call. I had no one I was willing to listen to, those I was willing to listen to didn't say anything, nothing negative, nothing positive, just let me go as I will.

In November he was given a new job assignment, to start right after the first of the year, in Indiana...600+ miles away from where we were living at, in Northwest Arkansas. He asked me to go with him, asked me to marry him, the works...of course changed his mind on several occasions, stating how I wasn't good enough, I was too young, stupid, you name it. He is almost 9 years older than me. But again, I was a good girl, a faithful dog as it were, going away when he told me to, coming back when he'd ask me to.

Mid-December we told my family that we were getting married, we went to the courthouse, filed the paperwork...or so I thought...and were then "happily married". At least that's what everyone thought, everyone except my then husband, he knew the real bits, gone thru the motions, but tucked the paperwork away into the trash for all I knew.

The day after Christmas we packed up a U-Haul trailer, his truck, and his van. We left my car, and 90% of all my belongings at my grandma's. Somehow he'd been able to obtain the title to my car and actually had taken a loan out on my cleared title vehicle. That loan defaulted in no time and I was too far away and under his complete control, unable to do anything in the least bit about any of it. I also found out I was pregnant with Mikeal, just before we'd started packing the trailer. I sobered up and cleaned up immediately.

We were then on our way to Indianapolis. True Hell was to be found there.